Dangerous Prayers!

As a young, zealous babe in Christ I often prayed what I’d now describe as “dangerous prayers” and I meant them with all my heart.

These prayers went as follows:

• Change my heart O Lord…
• Not my will but your will be done…
• I choose to decrease that Christ [the Anointed One and his anointing], may increase in me
• I want to know him [Christ]… and the fellowship of his sufferings…
• Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord to thee…
• I surrender all…

How God must have smiled!

And how the Enemy must have rejoiced and rubbed his hands together with glee.

But how could I have known what such prayers would entail?

Ignorant Bliss

I didn’t realise the cost I’d have to pay. So, I merrily prayed these types of prayers regularly and felt quite spiritual doing so. In praying such prayers, I hoped to arrive at an elevated spiritual dimension in my life. I believed I’d soon be on a spiritual par with the likes of Moses, or Elisha, or the apostle Paul.

I loved God and I was determined to be an exemplary disciple of Christ. I wanted to be the best Christian I could be. I wanted everything God’s Word indicated I could have and everything His Word indicated I could be. I wanted to experience the reality of his promises and I wanted to operate in his power.

I did not want to be a nominal Christian. I did not want to be a Sunday-only believer. I did not want to live below the standard of a dynamic, faith-filled, and joyful life. I wanted to experience the miraculous and I wanted God to use me to preach powerful, life-changing messages. I wanted to please God. I wanted to be effective in the service of his kingdom. I felt that after all my Father God and Jesus had done for me, it was the least I could do. And so, not realising the cost, I continued to pray these dangerous prayers.

Now whilst experiencing the awesome presence of God during meetings, or enjoying sweet fellowship during my devotional sessions, I felt ready and happy to pay the price. I felt certain I was willing to pay the cost. But I had no idea what I’d been praying, or for what I was signing up. I had no way of knowing the extent of personal suffering involved, no conception of the significant price I’d be asked to pay.

A Painful Price

In my case, the price was unrelenting persecution. The cost was death to me, myself, and I. Death to my personal confidence. Death to my reputation. Death to my self-esteem. Not just for a week or so. Not merely for a month or so. Not even for a year or so. The price to be paid seemed never ending and required me to continue picking up that cross, despite my bleeding wounded soul.

I tried to follow the path laid out for me, albeit reluctantly, and at times bitterly but after a while, in the day-to-day grind of daily life, I baulked. I struggled. There were even instances when I lay down beneath the weight of my cross too angry, too crushed, and too past caring, to pick it up and move on. I no longer wanted to pay that price. It was too painful, too demeaning.

At this point my attitude became less than sweet and compliant to God’s will. I no longer wanted to “decrease so that Christ, the Anointed One, could increase in me”. I wanted out! I saw myself as a victim and became incensed with both God and man. How dare they treat me this way! Do they not know I am a child of God?  

My prayers became: Lord, why are you allowing this to happen? Why don’t you do something? When are you going to take vengeance against my enemies?

It took many years for it to happen but eventually, the penny dropped. I put two and two together and realised my sufferings were a response to my fervent declarations, my zealous vows of commitment. So, what did I do? I stopped praying these types of prayers. I felt I couldn’t take another dose of persecution. I couldn’t stomach another season of rejection.

What Does It Mean to Carry One’s Cross?

Carrying one’s cross is a necessary part of our Christian journey. In doing so, we identify with the Lord’s experience of rejection, pain, and shame. In doing so, the ugliness within our character, the weakness of our faith and the fickleness of our self-confessed devotion comes to light. In doing so, we are transformed from one level of glory to another and shaped into the image of God’s Son.

In my case, fears and trepidation regarding what else God would demand of me, turned into resignation (in for a penny / in for a pound!) and finally into humble acceptance, adoration, and dutiful submission. I resumed praying my dangerous prayers, but this time with an understanding of what this could entail.

Are you someone currently experiencing the pain and indignities of cross-carrying? Then my heart goes out to you! May I encourage you today? Please don’t give up! Listen to what God has promised:

When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown!

When you walk through the fire of oppression,

You will not be burned up—the flames will not consume you.

(Isaiah 43: 2 The Living Bible)

Dear reader, carrying one’s cross requires us to die to ourselves, to the fleshly carnal part of our beings that is at odds with God’s Word, His will, and his specially designed programme for honing our characters, and cultivating spiritual resilience. We may quibble and squirm, flinch and fret, as much as we like but as delegates of his ‘Conforming to the Image of Christ Program’ there is no getting away from the course requirements of our Father God.

My dear friend in Christ, it is imperative that you establish and maintain a strong relationship with the Lord… that you pursue a meaningful and consistent prayer life, so that whatever lies ahead, you will not only survive, you will thrive… you will not only cope, but you will also maintain biblical hope, for your future.

I can honestly bear witness to the fact that a sound knowledge of God’s Word and ongoing communication with the three Godhead members through prayer, will guarantee that you emerge as a victorious overcomer.

Wishing you all a blessed and peaceful weekend.

With compassionate love,

Carol E. Hind

Author/Blogger/Prayer Advocate

FURTHER READING: for a related post see Pick Up Your Cross!

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