Missing!

Hello dear friends and followers,

I trust you are keeping well. I have missed connecting with you all.

I know – I’ve been away for a long time but now I’ve returned and am eager to get back into the blogging saddle.

First off, let me wish you all a happy September! May you flourish in your ongoing relationship with God both in terms of your prayer life and in walking out your faith as a victorious overcomer.

It has been a difficult time for me. I am not really someone who divulges their personal business to others, but I’m learning to be transparent, and I have no wish to appear to this community as though I’m someone who is always on a spiritual high, and for whom everything in the garden is forever rosy. Anyone who has lived long enough to experience life in all its varying colours, will know that this is just not so.

The observant ones among you will have noted that I generally sign off my posts with “prayer advocate” in the signature line.

What do I mean by a prayer advocate?

I mean someone who champions the discipline of prayer, who vouches for the benefits of prayer, who enjoys and seeks to maintain an active prayer life, who believes wholeheartedly in the God to whom we address our prayers and who is convinced that prayer (an ongoing dialogue with God), is essential for spiritual growth and well-being.

As such, I take prayer and intercession seriously. I am not one who sees prayer as boring, or a duty, or who struggles with maintaining a meaningful prayer life. I suspect that my commitment to prayer comes across in my blog posts, since during my time here as a blogger, I’ve been approached by several blogging acquaintances, seeking my prayer support, which I gladly gave.

I have over the many years of walking with the Lord experienced wonderful answers to prayer. There are however instances where the answer is either long delayed, or a “no”.

Tragedy struck our family when a young relative was murdered by an ex-girlfriend. I wondered whether I was guilty of not praying sufficiently or fervently enough to prevent such a terrible thing happening. Was I guilty of neglect?

Following a stressful court case this year, the culprit was sentenced to a total of 30 years imprisonment. Justice had been served – a definite answer to prayer, for which I am thankful. Still, I wondered could this needless death of a 19yr old man have been averted?

Added to this loss, has been the unexpected deaths of two other family members, one a dear sister, with whom I was very close. As I write these words, I still cannot believe she is no longer around. In this instance, I believe I did everything I possibly could, yet God did not answer my prayers as expected.

The above blog post title (Missing), refers to both those who are no longer a part of our family circle and to myself, absent from the blogosphere whilst endeavouring to support my loved ones during our time of crisis with my presence and my prayers… whilst tussling with my disappointment and despair over the unexpected demise of our loved ones… whilst absorbed with the finer details of funeral arrangements. I’ve struggled with disappointment with God, even anger towards him, feeling he could have, and should have, prevented these devastating events from occurring.

Dear reader, I have been amazed about how patient, gentle and gracious the Holy Godhead members have been with me, given my petulant accusations, my declared frustration over the huge gap between my faith’s expectations and the actual results. I’ve questioned why when it came to certain situations (both long-standing and recent), I’m not experiencing the miracle-working God showcased by Jesus in the gospels and demonstrated by the apostles in the book of Acts.

I’m so glad I keep devotional journals, which bear record to the countless times God has answered my prayers, intervened in situations, and showed up as God in my life and in the lives of my loved ones. And, I have been astounded by just how humble, gracious, and loving God has been to me during my spiritual wobbles.

As King David has expressed in so many of his psalms, on one hand I felt God had let me down, yet on the other hand, I could not deny his God-ness. I could not deny the reality of his awesome being. I could not deny the measure of his amazing love and mercy towards me. And if I could not deny these things, then I cannot deny that God is sovereign and does all things according to his own counsel and will. I cannot deny that he sees the bigger picture and his ways and thoughts are exceedingly higher than my own.

I may not understand why things happened as they did. I have certainly not experienced anything like the trials of Job, who challenges me with his utter commitment to God, expressed in this vow:

Though He slay me, yet will I trust him.

(Job 13:15 NKJV)

I can say that I still love the Lord and continue to desire to love him the way he demands and deserves (with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength). And I can hand-on-my-heart truthfully say that I am still a prayer advocate.

With lots of love,

Carol

Author, Blogger and Prayer Advocate

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Dear reader, your visit is appreciated. Has anything I said in this post resonated with you? Please share your response in a comment box below. And if you know anyone who could benefit from its message, then please don’t hesitate to share it. Thank you.